And now I sit here, in front of my keyboard, stunned by actually typing it out. Reading the words makes it hit me even more. I can only imagine the weight I feel and how much that same type of weight his parents feel. (if they ever read this I hope they know there are many out here in internet land that will miss that crazy kid)
Austin "Sparks" Kortum, was 18 and loved metal and spiky guitars. Long curly hair, I'm pretty sure he had dyed it red and tons of other colors. You could see the extreme enjoyment he had for music. Megadeth shirts were a daily clothing choice for him, I'm not sure I saw him in anything else. Always throwing up "Devil Horns" \m/ and laughing. I'm pretty sure everyone liked talking to him, who wouldn't. He was flipping his hair around talking METAL! BLS, DIMEBAG, SLAYER....I'll stop there, but it goes on and on.
He had an accident years before that had left one hand mangled up. He still rocked it though like it was nothing. Thinking back on it now, it seems like I only talked shop with him. What we were doing in class, and what we would do when we finished up. Guitars we wanted to build, bands we wanted to see, things we were going to work on "one of these days".
Sunday though, Sunday was the day it hit me that sometimes, some people are going to be gone way before they should be.
Sunday though, Sunday was the day it hit me that sometimes, some people are going to be gone way before they should be.
I spent almost 7 years in the Army. I never fired my gun, never took up against enemy troops. I fixed helicopters. I questioned my reason for being in Iraq numerous times. It was for the guys and girls on the ground. The Apache helicopters I fixed, repaired, launched, and washed were flying coverage missions to watch over the guys and girls on the ground. They were walking, driving, and standing in harm's way, and I was able to support them by repairing my helicopters, for my pilots, to protect them.
When you join the Army they tear you down to build you up. Or so they told me. You learn how to march, shoot weapons, fix all sorts of things, and how to take care of yourself and others. You learn basic combat lifesaving techniques, how to read a map, and what to look for when a fellow soldier is in need. You look for signs that they need help. Suicide prevention was always taught. 2011 was my last year as a Regular Army soldier, that year suicide's decreased slightly. But in 2008, CNN reported that they could top the whole country, they could surpass the national suicide rate. You learn through slides what to look for, and hopefully how to prevent it.
I'm not saying Sparks overdosed, I don't know. I can't speak for what happened. He had told me once that he had "trouble" once before, and that was pretty much the extent of that conversation. We then talked about Dave Mustaine doing karate or some weird thing like that. His guitars can be seen at Roberto-Venn's website. Check it out, that school does some really great stuff. You may wanna try it yourself.
Sometimes it's harder to see the signs when you are around a person constantly. You may just shrug it off as mood swings or some other personal trait they have. It is extremely hard to see the signs when you are hundreds of miles away and you know you should keep in touch, but you figure you can do it tomorrow, next week, or maybe next month. I use to tell myself, "if they are going to do, there is no stopping them." That was my mentality, I was separating the part of your brain that should be caring. Suicide is a selfish act, done in a moment of what some may say is desperation. The person takes themselves away from everyone who knows them, cares for them, and loves them. Who knows what the trigger was that lit the match to the charges inside them. You can't ask them, they have removed themselves from the conversation.
Everyone knows there are numbers to call, websites to go to, churches, groups, and hospitals to walk to. I'm almost certain that most of the people who are contemplating suicide will actually take that step, that call, or type in that Google search. I'd like to say that things like this are very preventable and curable. But, I'm just not so sure anymore.
In Iraq, we heard a story about a soldier who was on a webcam with his wife who took his life with his service weapon. We heard stories, and actually had soldiers, who were on suicide watch. I think some just wanted to get away from the situation that we were in, being in Iraq and all. Some probably wanted too, and someone maybe had actually seen the signs.
Signs to look for: talking about suicide, seeking out lethal means, putting affairs in order, no hope for the future,self-destructive behavior, saying goodbye, focusing on death, and a sudden sense of calm. I got these all from http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_prevention.htm. It explains them in more detail. You can check out, http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ as well. There are tons of sights like these on the web.
I can't say I have ever helped anybody with suicidal thoughts, or that I stopped them from completing the task. But if you are reading this, and you have helped someone, make sure to check up on them. If you have a friend who is usually depressed for some strange reason, call them. You have 5 minutes to spare. If it is you that needs someone to talk to, you have the internet, probably facebook, a phone, twitter.... you have a way to talk to someone out there. Call anyone you haven't in a few days or weeks, chat with them, you'd be surprised by the way they greet you. There is someone out there who is thinking of you, missing you, worried about you, and probably people who love you.
https://www.save.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewPage&page_id=7049F2F1-C9C4-C392-588484F7906539D6&r=1
http://www.sprc.org/
I did less fact checking on this blog. I went mostly off of what I've seen, learned over the years. I don't know how to let the family and friends of Austin know that what little time I had spent with him, it did leave a lasting impression on me. I am sorry for this traumatic and unneeded loss. A bunch of the RV fall class of 2011-2012 will miss and remember him.
Take care of yourselves.
Sometimes it's harder to see the signs when you are around a person constantly. You may just shrug it off as mood swings or some other personal trait they have. It is extremely hard to see the signs when you are hundreds of miles away and you know you should keep in touch, but you figure you can do it tomorrow, next week, or maybe next month. I use to tell myself, "if they are going to do, there is no stopping them." That was my mentality, I was separating the part of your brain that should be caring. Suicide is a selfish act, done in a moment of what some may say is desperation. The person takes themselves away from everyone who knows them, cares for them, and loves them. Who knows what the trigger was that lit the match to the charges inside them. You can't ask them, they have removed themselves from the conversation.
Everyone knows there are numbers to call, websites to go to, churches, groups, and hospitals to walk to. I'm almost certain that most of the people who are contemplating suicide will actually take that step, that call, or type in that Google search. I'd like to say that things like this are very preventable and curable. But, I'm just not so sure anymore.
In Iraq, we heard a story about a soldier who was on a webcam with his wife who took his life with his service weapon. We heard stories, and actually had soldiers, who were on suicide watch. I think some just wanted to get away from the situation that we were in, being in Iraq and all. Some probably wanted too, and someone maybe had actually seen the signs.
Signs to look for: talking about suicide, seeking out lethal means, putting affairs in order, no hope for the future,self-destructive behavior, saying goodbye, focusing on death, and a sudden sense of calm. I got these all from http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_prevention.htm. It explains them in more detail. You can check out, http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ as well. There are tons of sights like these on the web.
I can't say I have ever helped anybody with suicidal thoughts, or that I stopped them from completing the task. But if you are reading this, and you have helped someone, make sure to check up on them. If you have a friend who is usually depressed for some strange reason, call them. You have 5 minutes to spare. If it is you that needs someone to talk to, you have the internet, probably facebook, a phone, twitter.... you have a way to talk to someone out there. Call anyone you haven't in a few days or weeks, chat with them, you'd be surprised by the way they greet you. There is someone out there who is thinking of you, missing you, worried about you, and probably people who love you.
https://www.save.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewPage&page_id=7049F2F1-C9C4-C392-588484F7906539D6&r=1
http://www.sprc.org/
I did less fact checking on this blog. I went mostly off of what I've seen, learned over the years. I don't know how to let the family and friends of Austin know that what little time I had spent with him, it did leave a lasting impression on me. I am sorry for this traumatic and unneeded loss. A bunch of the RV fall class of 2011-2012 will miss and remember him.
Take care of yourselves.
So sorry you lost your friend. He sounds like a cool guy. This post is great and I'm glad you're sharing what you feel/know about suicide - there's no telling how many people this may help.
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